Day 23 is the traditional day to look back and assess this yearly performance art project. So here goes…
As I look at the entries for 2019, I feel that they match the year itself. There are very few I feel are of the quality of previous years, and I think the emptiness I feel this year has come though loud and clear in my writing.
2019 has not been a great year for me, but I think it’s broader than me alone. I’ve not had anyone say that this is a good year, and I hear many more stories of loss and sadness than in hope and success. The social and political milieu in which we cower probably has a lot to do with this, and I think psychologists years from now will be able to detect a collective trauma in the human psyche traced back to this time when we decided as a people to just go off the tracks.
It is easy to point at a single figure (and he does continue to distinguish himself in the cartoon villains hall of fame) as the source of all this angst. However, the lack of real response, and the quality of response when it happens probably saddens me and deadens me most of all. We have never been more hypersensitive to insult while tolerant of one who crosses every line we (and human decency) have ever drawn. It refutes my belief that we don’t deserve this with a loud voice that this is exactly what we deserve. It is us…and how do you write in a world like this?
I didn’t start this post to be political, and let me say again that the quality and tactics of “my side” depress me more than the right, but it is the low grade fever that we all live with every day. In a trauma ward it’s hard to focus on anything but trauma.
That being said, I am going to commit today that I will do the 24 days of blogging next year. There is an insane hope in me that somehow 2020 will be an important year and the beginning of a different decade. I know there will be more significant changes for me, I hope there will be good ones, and I hope and pray that these will act as a catalyst to new ideas and new energy.
Many, many thanks to anyone who slogged through these posts this year. I hope there have been a few moments of enjoyment while you sat vigil with me. Tomorrow I will give my yearly Christmas wish, but today I hope that you and our broken world will have a better 2020.
Very affecting words, my friend.