While taking my daily walk to the store today, I was greeted with just a nub of a rainbow on the horizon. Of course one cannot see a rainbow without immediately jumping to metaphor and anthropomorphism.
Is this the “shelter in place” rainbow, a rainbow that is confined in its dwelling and unable to stretch forth and shine? A rainbow that reminds us that it’s there, but remains at a safe distance? A brilliant metaphor for the many who are likewise confined, yet still shining?
Or is this a metaphor for the current crushing of the individual and collective human spirit by the darkness of the virus and its horrible touch in lives? As we listen to stories on the news and on the phone of devastation caused by virus and by response to virus, it is truly hard to maintain much hope. A rainbow, the most hopeful and glorious natural phenomena, that is unable to compete with the oppressive heavy cloud cover?
Or is it a sign to us that even in the darkness of the current moment, that the undeniable light at the heart of the human condition cannot be denied? Even in total cloud cover, the nub of transcendence cannot be snuffed out. As awful as this time, this moment, may be, and as frightening as what may be tomorrow, there remains within nature and the human spirit a spark of something, something that continues to make it worthwhile.
It was instructive to see the “rain-nub” this morning. Today was the worst day as far as my own spirits are concerned. The battle between the devastating disease and its real victims and the anxiety about what the ultimate effects of this time will be on my remaining life and on our world fights out within my soul and overwhelms me with exhaustion and insomnia. Grief, both altruistic for the real sufferings of others, and selfish for my own small desires can be particularly paralyzing. It was nice to see something on the horizon that suggested that it’s worth continuing to head there.
In my favorite book by John Irving, The Hotel New Hampshire, there is a phrase that captures the moment pretty well. Our job during this time is to “keep passing the open windows” (as opposed to jumping out of them). Lily, once of the central characters, a sensitive and artistic young woman (though likely clinically depressed like most characters in Irving’s novels), identifies this as the true challenge of her young life, one which she succeeds…until she doesn’t. For many, life, physically and emotionally, is and is going to be pretty brutal, and though this essential reality can’t be changed, the one thing we can do is not be lured into the invitation to escape. Whether this escape is through giving in to anger, giving up parts of ourselves, giving up on other people, or just giving up hope, “keep passing the open windows.” Instead, look through them and you might just see a nub of a rainbow on the horizon.
Be strong, be safe…keep passing open windows.